Seen 1:55am

That’s the thing; 

I nurse pain like how
You could’ve embrace me
Until life had escaped
From my wrists.

Blades sharpened by the past
became my bow,
Fitting four strings into
One row,
Or column,
Those blues and reds that
Mapped my insides
To where it hurt

My broken spirit has held its
Last thread before it became
Unseen,
It was so thin, for a short time
I thought the world
Was plastic-like transparent,
Shiny but unreal

The sorrow comes in waves,
Not like grapes in bunches,
Not in twos,
Not two souls lacking,
Not when He lived.

And as if life became too believable,
For once, I wished for immunity,
Where I hold nothing,
But my nakedness and solitude,
Like a baby, a bundle full of
Sedatives,
Of sleeplessness

I want you to hold me like water.
I want to be dripping from your
Arms to your clothes,
I want you to  feel that I’m
Not ghost like how people
Walk this earth

I need you.
Truly, without lies,
You are everything that the world
Has done right,
In this moment,
And even in bitter words
Or tears,
I’d like you to be the only
Place I’d go to,
To mute the inevitable
Agony of us all.

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Why So Sudden

It seems as though

I have mastered
The art of knowing
When one soul,
Stops looking at my
Skies.

It seems I have seen too
Much backs walking
Away, to know
the air had shifted
From promises to
decay.

And everytime I’d see
Patterns,
Psychedelic greys
In a person,
Of how they say hello,
their words,
A curt of misery
An unspoken
Putting out of
The flame,
I’d know that the clock
Has started the countdown
Until they leave,
Until he leaves.

By then, I’d have days
Upon days of anticipation,
Of my heart sinking into
The depths where it onced
Caged itself for safe
Solitude,
Of this unbearable waiting
I’d have to endure before
Saying goodbye.
By then, I know I’ve
Already died.

With Reckless Abandon

All things that would catch me,

All things that would make me sleep,
All things that love me;

I irritate them with daydreams
Of things I’m scared of while I’m
Awake,
passing time like I’ve got a lifetime
Or two,
Floating away to where I’m
Not used to.

I’m a stranger to the familiar,
The recklessness of doing something
Not you,
Or close to,
Trying to live a life of seven plus
Two more days of catching
The blues,
I reckon

I’d live a day not knowing myself,
That knowing me right before life
Starts
Right before the stars were made,
Right before living itself.

Natural Selection

Sometimes, 

I’d like to think that
We’re all just inside
One small fishbowl
Where the ever-seeing
fishbowl owner
Looks at us neglect
Our very own fishbowls
Shaking his head,
Muttering that he
Shouldn’t have made
Fishbowls
For us instead,
Or fish,
But then he
Would want our
Tastebuds to
Explode with the
Taste,
Or caviar,
Those gold tongues,
Slurping fish eggs,
High class as f–
Funny
How some people
Believe we come
From fish more than
We did from
Monkeys,
And Darwin’s
Evolution would want
Us to swallow
That we eat bananas
Anfd lice all day,
But except we
Agreed that we’d
Like to monkey around,
Monkey business,
Secrets.

But he did let us have
Fishbowls.
We filled it with water
Like how the fishbowl
Owner filled his
Fishbowl with water.
We called it rain,
We called it sea,
We called it grace,
We called it thought.

The only thing he didn’t
Tell us about was
We have to swim
So we won’t drown. 

Aloe Vera

You sent me a picture of two animated aloe vera plants hugging each other, and at the bottom it said “Aloe you Vera much.” It was funny, but for me? 
Wow.

It was meant as a joke, a pun that we’d both get, and we laugh at memes so much, it’s too unromantic for two people to be sharing the sugar from a picture with plants and meant everything. You meant everything. You soothe me. You told me I was difficult, but I liked how you said it like it was easy to love my difficult. We were plants, you entangled me in your dreams, and how many limbs could I give fate and time for you to hold me in your arms.

Aloe you Vera much too. 

Anxiety

We fought over 

The crumbs on my bed.

I couldn’t eat it.
I couldn’t get it out
Of my head,
That itch.

“What the hell is your
Problem?” You screamed
In frustration.

I didn’t answer.

I ran out of
“I don’t know”s for
The day. 

King’s Row

I can hear you over

The headshots;
Six Anas,
Powerless,
Darting us with
Poison, but it
Didn’t matter
Because
you were
Taunting me to
Do better.

“I bet you couldn’t kill
Fifty” you said.
Smirking all over
The mic,
Your hot breath made
The heat of the
Nightlamp
Icy.

But of course I couldn’t
See you.
You look just like
Me,
A sniper with slow
Heart,
In game,
We practice shooting
In between eyes
Like how I wanted
To kiss yours.

And so,
We raced to a hundred,
You believing in
Me more than I
Believe in the games
We play,
More than myself,
In King’s Row

I adore you in
Triple kills or
In misses, I love
You over
your tilts and over
The frustrations
Of bad aims.

I couldn’t stop,
Like the venom mine,
You sniped me good;
You who I spent my
darkness with.
Till dawn,
we’re filled.